Jason's Guide to determining if cops should not be trusted.

The first rule of the guide, and it's really the main rule is: are you in indianapolis.

If you answered yes, then you should not trust the cops. you're more likely to get proper help from that guy in the shitty van with cardboard over the back window that looks like he just got done raping corpses.

some of you know, and some of you will read now about my adventures with an indianapolis cop driving home from work a couple of fridays ago. i was driving home the way i normally do. 65 - 70 in traffic, 75 - 80 when no one is around me. when you drive 30 miles to and from work everyday, you tend to speed a little. but keep in mind, i go 65-70 in traffic because that's what traffic is going with a decent amount of cars going in the mid 70s and such. so 80 is fast, but not tear the hair from your body fast.

so i'm driving along and when i get behind cars in the left lane that are going much slower than traffic and refuse to move over (which is about 80% of the asshole cars in indianapolis), i drive behind them for a min to see if they will move and if not, i pass them on the right. so on my drive, i pass two cars on the right and got between 75-80 when there are no cars in front of me. next thing i know, i see cop lights. damn. there goes not having any tickets on my license. so i pull to the side of the road, get out my wallet, and roll down my window. the cop takes a second, then gets out of his car. as he's walking up to my car i hear "PUT YOUR FUCKING HANDS ON THE WHEEL" so i do so. this is when i notice that he is holding his gun on me. the resulting dialog goes as follows (caps is the cop yelling, lowercase is me)

IF YOU MOVE, I WILL FUCKING SHOOT YOU.
HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING TONIGHT
no
I JUST GOT YOU GOING OVER 90 MILES AN HOUR, WEAVING IN AND OUT OF TRAFFIC LIKE A FUCKING MAD MAN.

NOW WITH YOUR RIGHT HAND, HAND ME YOUR LICENSE. IF YOU MAKE ANY OTHER MOVES I WILL FUCKING SHOOT YOU.

PUT YOUR HANDS BACK ON THE WHEEL AND KEEP THEM THERE UNTIL I COME BACK.

i wait in my car for about 3 min until finally he starts to come back to my car. as he's walking back up, he's shining his flashlight on my steering wheel to make sure my hands are still there. he walks back up to my window and, with gun still drawn, points it at me again.

I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW, I'M ON THE FUCKING SWAT TEAM AND I AM ON MY WAY TO SOMEWHERE ELSE. BUT IF I WASN'T, YOU'DE BE GOING TO FUCKING JAIL.
I HAVE WRITTEN DOWN EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS FUCKING CAR. I'LL.......I.......

then he throws my license into my seat an walks back to his car.

after a second, i drive away and he drives away. he proceeds to tear across traffic into the left lane and takes off "like a bat out of hell" if you will. no lights, no siren....just flying through traffic like an actual madman.

now it's not uncommon to see cops speeding like crazy in indy. they have this thing i call the 38th st shuffle which is pretty much every indy cop that passes me on my way to work in the morning is driving around 80mph and always gets off at 38th st.

this morning, i got passed by a cop that was driving with one hand stretched out casually across the passenger seat (i'm assuming similar to how they casually hang out with prostitutes in their cars, but all of the other criminal doing of cops in indy is for a different post). so the cop is driving with one hand, not going to a call, very calmly going 90ish without his lights on. i know this because after he passed me, i got into the left lane and sped up and my going 80 still caused him to pull away from me. while i was behind him, he was tailgating the shit out of people until they moved, he passed several cars on the right, and at one time, cut across 2 lanes to the right, passed some cars and a semi, then whipped back into the left lane. this is WAY worse than i was driving when a cop held his gun on me and threatened to shoot me.

so cops can drive in a way that according to a certain cop, is a crime so bad they are to be held at gunpoint and not get in trouble at all. i want to become a state cop just so i can pull over the local indy cops and make them sob in their cars by holding my gun on them and threaten to take away their right to rape prostitutes and drive while drunk.

moral of the story....i want my tax dollars back.

i found a new way to conserve electricity

this is a letter to the car with no lights on during my drive home. driving with only your parking lights on when it's dark outside doesn't really get the job done. especially when you are in a black car. it might work if you were in a neon green car.

to answer your question that i just made up during this imaginary debate we're having, yes, i do see that all of the other cars lights are sufficiently lighting the road. but here's the thing, head lights in this scenario are really more for the other motorists. without them, they can't see you.

and i know, because your bumper sticker told me so, that your guardian angel is your co-pilot, but unless they're holding a flashlight, we're liable to run both you and your angel down because we can't see you.

god willing, you'll get crushed by a semi.