would you like fries with that?

so i think the cleaning crew for my building eats their lunch at my desk every night.

everyday when i come into work, between the Mac mouse and a box of recycling (about a 4 in area) there is always salt. everyday for the last few weeks. salt. i never eat salt so i'm about 99% sure it's not me. the recycling box is for plastic and there's never anything in the box that would contain salt.

today as i was brushing off the salt in a confused manner, i realized that it looks like salt from a box of fried. it's got salt and little yellow crispies.

so i ask the cleaning staff to please stop eating at my desk. you can't log into the computer (at least i hope not. if you can then you are in the wrong profession) so eat somewhere else. perhaps the breakroom that you also get to clean. or how about one of the many empty cubes. hell. eat anywhere else. i don't really care.

the rest of the day might be spent trying to figure out how to get my webcam on the mac to record an image every 30 seconds. it's not nanny cam. it's cleaner cam.

calling all cars! calling all cars!. citizens not being screwed over. please respond.

car 33 here, i'm in prime position to screw over a citizen. i'll grab the call once i'm done with my prostitute.

it took me an hour and a half to drive to work today. not because the roads were messy. once you got off side streets, the roads were fine. unfortunately, winter madness still has it's grip on the citizens of Indianapolis. what this means is that there are pretty much two types of drivers. the type that are terrified about the snow (even though the roads are clear) so they drive 5 mph. and then there are the people that don't respect the fact that we just got 12 inches of snow in 1 day and drive 200 mph. these people meet on the road and then i drive an average of 9mph all the way to work because there is an accident every 2 miles.

believe it or not, this is not a rant about how bad people drive. i've accepted the fact that i share the road with what can only be called "the retarded alumni of the Indianapolis driving academy".

This is actually another rant about how much i hate indianapolis cops. i honestly think we would be better off without cops in this city. if they aren't committing crimes themselves, then they're doing nothing. they're sure as shit not doing their job. well to be fair, they do occasionally search and arrest random people walking down the street minding their own business.

today in my 9 mph adventure to work which i probably won't get a damn thing done at because this entire week is pretty much shot, i came upon a 5 car accident. the accident took up the right 2 lanes of 70W and the right shoulder. i was in the far right lane and an on duty cop was in the middle lane next to me. i know he was on duty because he was talking into his radio, clicking on his little computer, and wearing a badge and a uniform. he also wasn't in a hurry to get somewhere, otherwise he wouldn't be sitting in stop and go traffic.

so side by side, we come upon this 5 car accident that probably happened about 2 min before we got there. there was oil and debris scattered across the 2 lanes and people were standing in the road looking at their cars and wandering around the lanes.

at this point, the cop flipped on his lights to let the traffic behind him know that there was a hazard and got out to make sure everyone was ok. this was of course after he called in the accident and got crews on their way........

wait....no. that's not what he did because that's his job. and cops here don't do their jobs. what he actually did was very calmly turn on his turn signal and get into the left lane, drive past them, barely giving them a glance, then continuing on with his journey like nothing happened. amazingly, he did this very same thing past two other accidents in about 5 miles.

after i finally crawled my way onto 65, right where 65 and 70 meet, there was another accident. my favorite cop had already driven past this one too. at this accident (4 car accident) there were 2 hoosier helpers and a state cop. the state cop was leaning against his car with his arms crossed watching the traffic go by. one of the hoosier helpers was calming a girl down who was visibly shaken and crying. the other one was talking with another person in the accident and what looked like pointing to the road trying to figure out how to clear the accident.

we're not even going to get into the guy that "plowed" our neighborhood. let's just say, before he plowed, i couldn't even get my car out of the driveway. after he plowed, i could drive down the road. and hey, i only got stuck once in the middle of the road. grade A job asshole.

why can't people just do their jobs?

hey everyone! look how important i am!

i have 3 widescreen monitors that span 2 computers sitting on my desk at work and it's still not enough for all the shit i have to do. i thought to myself this morning while doing some QA testing, man, this would be so much easier if i just had a 4th monitor.

too much work makes me wish i could drink at work.....oh wait..i can.....but all we have is miller lite. i'd rather be sober. guess i'll settle for some tension tamer tea.

i don't need student loans for this edumacation

things i've learned about indianapolis:

when the weatherman says it's going to snow, it's probably going to rain or it's going to do nothing.
- if they guarantee snow, and lots of it, then it will frost a little.

when listening to the morning traffic report, if they say traffic is backed up on 70w, i get excited (even though i am going 70w) because anytime they say it's backed up, the road is clear. if i do not hear 70w on the traffic report, i know i will be sitting in a traffic jam. that's pretty standard for all roads on the traffic report. if the road is announced as being slow, it's not. but every other road is.

nice sunny day: minimal accidents.
cloudy day: double the accidents
drizzle: roughly 100 accidents
rain: average mph of 10, 200 accidents
heavy rain: city shuts down. state of emergency declared.
light snow: 500 accidents. people wandering the streets in a daze as if a nuclear bomb had just gone off
heavy snow: rarely happens. though when it does, the city falls into martial law, all cars crash into the nearest structure even if no one is in the car, then the city falls into the earth never to be seen again.
windy days: people wait until windy days to spend the drive rummaging around on the floor of their car for eddie money cd they dropped enhancing the weaving already being caused by the wind.

right green arrows = stopping and not turning

merging is something corporations do, not traffic.

Hi. I'm a recovering crack head. This is my retarded sister that I take care of. I'd like some welfare, please.

let's see. what's happened since my last post...

the colts did their standard choke in the post season thing and went out in the first round. though this year they were led by a little yellow flag that was being rammed up their asses. best ref ever? you decide.

i've also come to the conclusion that we could have put a helmet on tumbleweed and he would have gained more yards on the ground for the colts this year.

a few months ago, we were told at work that we would not be getting raises or hiring new people in 09 to save from having to do layoffs and such. yesterday about an hour after i got to work, 5 people were shuffled out of the building and the great layoff that wasn't supposed to happen, happened. I'm happy to say i survived, though it does leave me with a dilemma. what do you do when your company says that you're good enough that you will not be fired, but at the same time has you doing the jobs of 3 people.....well, let me rephrase that. i was already doing 2 jobs, now i'm doing 3 jobs, but i'm replacing 2 more people so all said and done, i now do 3 jobs that normally 4 people would do. and i get paid less than what 1 person would normally make.

there in lies the predicament. i have a "steady" (steady until summer when we find out if there will be more layoffs) job and i like my job.

Pros:
I like my job
I have a job
I am important at my company and therefor have "job security"
The job is padding my resume like no ones business
My boss completely depends on me.

Cons:
I make less than market wage for 1 of my 3 jobs and worry about money to the point that i get tension headaches everyday.
My boss completely depends on me which means if i were to leave, i would be directly screwing him. (i makes me wish i didn't like my boss so much)
The jobs that i have are now twice as hard because i am now doing all of them completely by myself.



there are actually 2 departments at this company that the entire department consists of only 1 employee. and for both of those departments, i am that sole employee.

so the question is, do i want to bust my ass to the point that i get terribly stressed out while barely making enough money to pay bills as well as having the ability to buy groceries, or do i want to find a job that in all honestly, i probably won't like as much, won't get to do as much, might stress me out almost as much, but i make enough money that i can go home and not do calculations on if i can afford to buy a cheesy bean and rice burrito for $1.05.

life = grand
thank god heather is living at home. if the long distance thing was still going on, i'd probably die of a stress heart attack

rockin around the murder tree

dear employee from neighboring company cube,

please buy headphones so i don't have to listen to christmas carols blaring from your crappy monotone internal speaker on december 29th.

i think anyone listening to xmas songs after xmas should be lit on fire.

a night of firsts

we have a plastic wreath hanging on our front door. it's plastic, but it looks fairly real. like an artificial xmas tree. but again...it's plastic. So the last few times i have opened the front door (which we rarely do) i have seen a bird fly from the wreath to the tree in the front yard. The little bird has decided to make a home in our wreath.

last night i opened the front door to take the garbage out. about the time i got 5 or so feet from the door, i heard the neighbor kids screaming and such from their house. i thought nothing of it because there are like 100 of them and they are always making noise. by the time i got back into my house, i realized that it was heather that screamed and it was because our little bird friend was racing all over our house.

and what do birds do when they're freaked the fuck out? poop and molt. poop and feathers everywhere. so after about 5 min of closing off rooms, i trapped him in the office and got him into a bag. he is now back outside, probably sleeping in our wreath again. we are still vaccuming little feathers up everywhere.

Shortly after that, our cat tumbleweed came wobbling into the living room. this is when we discovered that he was poo butt (translation: he had poop stuck to his butt).
this was no ordinary poo butt though. this poo butt wasn't just stuck to his fur, it was dragging behind him leaving little poo trails. there were also poo prints in the office from where he stepped on the dragging poo.

The fun part is, this was about 5 min after the bird. the other fun fact was that this was set into motion the day before when he ate a big piece of string he tore from a pillow. so not only did i get to clean up poo trails and paw prints, i also got to pull a length of poo covered string from my cats butt.

one can only hope that tonight will be just as exciting. that all depends on if Jon has eaten any string recently....