i just figured out how the series Lost will end. at least how it would end if i was the writer.
it's all just a dream. it's Gilligan's dream. and it ends with him waking up on HIS island and when he tells the story to the skipper, he gets hit with a hat. fade to black. credits.
send my oscar to:
123 fake street
happyville, USA.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Monday, April 12, 2010
houses, travel, and cars
houses:
to buy a rental property or not to buy. that is the questions. if i have the money. buy. but and charge and make money.
travel:
i want to travel. not like, man, i want to see this or i want to see that. i want to travel as in, have i seen it yet? no? then i want to go to there. Antarctica, sign me up, Sahara desert...yes please, des moines, Iowa.....yup. i literally want to go to every possible place ever. ideally, i could be rich enough to not have to worry about travel costs. i could just grab my cash, hop on a plane, and be somewhere i've never been. i literally want to travel the world, taking pictures, and being happy. oh to make enough money to do whatever i want....
cars:
for the most part, top gear on the BBC, is the opposite of how i think. and by that i mean, i watch the shows, i see the cars, i want everything they have and are doing. but the environmentalist in me says i shouldn't want a 600hp car that uses a ton of gas per mile. so as much as i watch the show and want to have their job and do everything they do, i know the environmentalist in me won't allow it. the environmentalist in me is on the fence about letting me buy a corvette should i ever be able to afford one. and i would sell my family for a corvette...
here is what i need:
money to buy a ton of rental properties that in turn provide all of the money i need to travel anywhere i want in the world at anytime and to buy any car no matter what my morals tell me otherwise.....go!
to buy a rental property or not to buy. that is the questions. if i have the money. buy. but and charge and make money.
travel:
i want to travel. not like, man, i want to see this or i want to see that. i want to travel as in, have i seen it yet? no? then i want to go to there. Antarctica, sign me up, Sahara desert...yes please, des moines, Iowa.....yup. i literally want to go to every possible place ever. ideally, i could be rich enough to not have to worry about travel costs. i could just grab my cash, hop on a plane, and be somewhere i've never been. i literally want to travel the world, taking pictures, and being happy. oh to make enough money to do whatever i want....
cars:
for the most part, top gear on the BBC, is the opposite of how i think. and by that i mean, i watch the shows, i see the cars, i want everything they have and are doing. but the environmentalist in me says i shouldn't want a 600hp car that uses a ton of gas per mile. so as much as i watch the show and want to have their job and do everything they do, i know the environmentalist in me won't allow it. the environmentalist in me is on the fence about letting me buy a corvette should i ever be able to afford one. and i would sell my family for a corvette...
here is what i need:
money to buy a ton of rental properties that in turn provide all of the money i need to travel anywhere i want in the world at anytime and to buy any car no matter what my morals tell me otherwise.....go!
Monday, March 1, 2010
ahhh now that's pooping in comfort
so you know how in bathroom stalls in public places there are sometimes small gaps where the door hinges are or where the stall wall meets the building wall? not a big enough gap to really see inside, but you could definitely tell if someone was in the stall via that gap.
one of the stalls in the building i work in has an unusually large gap. close to 2 inches. it allows anyone walking into the bathroom pretty much a direct line of sight into that stall if one were so inclined to look.
i'll admit, i'm a looker. it's not that i'm going into the bathroom in hopes of getting to see someone in the action. it's more of i walk into the room, it's directly in front of me and if i see movement, my eyes are drawn towards it. this is the spot where i tell you it's ok if you secretly do this too but can't admit it to yourselves. it's the same concept when sitting in a hospital and you see people walking down the hall with those little "never completely close in the back" hospital gowns. you didn't come here specifically to see some old man's ass and by golly, even when you look up from your book or whatever you are using to kill time, you're not saying to yourself..."oh i hope their gown isn't closed." but when it happens, when you look up, see the gown and realize it's open...you look right at their ass. i dare any of you to tell me you look away before inspecting the gown gap for exposed ass.
but i'm off subject.
i don't use that stall with the gap because of this peeping tom effect it has. so imagine my surprise just now on my trip to the bathroom when i walked in and realized that the guy in that stall is 100% naked save for his shoes.
so here is the scenario. you get up, head to the bathroom, hop on into the stall and think, man, pooping sure is great at 3am when i'm stark naked. so you proceed to disrobe, pulling you pants off over your shoes, hang your clothes on the hook on the stall door, and go to town. weird.
there were 6 people in the bathroom at the same time i was in there (more than usual). i can't be the only one to have noticed that the most comfortable pooper in the world works in our building.
one of the stalls in the building i work in has an unusually large gap. close to 2 inches. it allows anyone walking into the bathroom pretty much a direct line of sight into that stall if one were so inclined to look.
i'll admit, i'm a looker. it's not that i'm going into the bathroom in hopes of getting to see someone in the action. it's more of i walk into the room, it's directly in front of me and if i see movement, my eyes are drawn towards it. this is the spot where i tell you it's ok if you secretly do this too but can't admit it to yourselves. it's the same concept when sitting in a hospital and you see people walking down the hall with those little "never completely close in the back" hospital gowns. you didn't come here specifically to see some old man's ass and by golly, even when you look up from your book or whatever you are using to kill time, you're not saying to yourself..."oh i hope their gown isn't closed." but when it happens, when you look up, see the gown and realize it's open...you look right at their ass. i dare any of you to tell me you look away before inspecting the gown gap for exposed ass.
but i'm off subject.
i don't use that stall with the gap because of this peeping tom effect it has. so imagine my surprise just now on my trip to the bathroom when i walked in and realized that the guy in that stall is 100% naked save for his shoes.
so here is the scenario. you get up, head to the bathroom, hop on into the stall and think, man, pooping sure is great at 3am when i'm stark naked. so you proceed to disrobe, pulling you pants off over your shoes, hang your clothes on the hook on the stall door, and go to town. weird.
there were 6 people in the bathroom at the same time i was in there (more than usual). i can't be the only one to have noticed that the most comfortable pooper in the world works in our building.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
it's been almost a month
and i apologize. i've been trying not to just blog about my regular bitchings and the comic has been taking up all the extra internet time i have (because i pretty much refuse to sit on the internet when i get home from work since i spend all damn day on the internet at work).
so tonight i am both blogging and rewriting my comic site. why? well i am rewriting my comic site because i am switching to my own web server instead of paying godaddy money to suck and i'm blogging because i had an idea today and i'm currently waiting for SQL server to install on my new web server.
my idea?
The movie "50 First dates is completely fucked up"
ok. so those not familar with the movie, adam sandler's f character falls in love with drew barrymore's character. drew's character got into an accident and is unable to create new memories. meaning every day she wakes up and thinks it's the day just before her accident.
why the movie is fucked up:
1. she's already going to wake up one day and look in the mirror and see that she's 70 and think that she's 28. can you imagine how terrible that would be?
and that actually has nothing to do with the movie...just the problem of not being able to make new memories.
why the movie is fucked up?
1. he finds a girl he knows won't remember him in the morning....and he goes back.
2. he finds a girl he knows won't remember him in the morning and thinks....i love her. she'll never remember a single thing we've ever done or for that matter....me.....sign me up.
3. he follows her around, learning her routine and uses it against her. other people do that too. they're called stalkers.
4. he uses the info he gains from stalking to try and make her fall in love with him.
5. (spoiler alert) at the end of the movie, they get married, move to a house boat with her family, and they have a kid. here's why the entire ending of the movie is god awful terrible:
a. he convinced her to marry her, which means, since she doesn't remember him everyday that she wakes up, that in one day he figured out a way to make her fall in love with her in under 24 hours and marry her in the same day.
b. eventually, after months and months of her waking up to her new "husband" that she's never met, he somehow convinces her (tricks her) into moving onto a house boat and driving that boat to some obscure ass place.
c. each and every day, she had to wake up, realize she was on a boat in the middle of no where with her family and some stranger (her husband) and had to figure out why.
d. eventually, she got preggers. that's right, every morning she had to wake up, figure out why she was out on a boat with some random dude and her family and why she was getting fatter.
e. eventually, she had to wake up, realizes she was on a boat in the middle of ??? with some random dude and her family, that she 8 months preggers even though yesterday she was on land and not preggers at all, and that the father is the random guy on the boat.
f. AND.....Eventually.......she wakes up, realizes she's on a boat in the middle of ??? with her family and some random guy and some random kid. guess what. not a random kid....YOUR kid. that's right. yesterday, you were 28, single, and on land and today you are 35, have a kid and on a boat in the middle of no where. pretty fucked up.
g. so each and every day, you wake up, realize you are on a boat in the middle of ?? with some random guy, some random kid (yours) and your family and you are expected to love both the random guy and the kid.
the fucked up part of that is that adam sandler's character is completely cool with this. i have to be honest with you, if heather got all bashed in and it made her not remember anything that happened after today, i would say "why oh why! what a horrible thing for everyone!" not "damn....this is my chance to be able to do whatever i want to her and if i get bored, i can just leave and she will literally not have any idea that i existed. in fact, she'll probably die alone with some stranger kid out on a random boat in the middle of no where.
50 first dates. one of the most fucked up movies ever.
so tonight i am both blogging and rewriting my comic site. why? well i am rewriting my comic site because i am switching to my own web server instead of paying godaddy money to suck and i'm blogging because i had an idea today and i'm currently waiting for SQL server to install on my new web server.
my idea?
The movie "50 First dates is completely fucked up"
ok. so those not familar with the movie, adam sandler's f character falls in love with drew barrymore's character. drew's character got into an accident and is unable to create new memories. meaning every day she wakes up and thinks it's the day just before her accident.
why the movie is fucked up:
1. she's already going to wake up one day and look in the mirror and see that she's 70 and think that she's 28. can you imagine how terrible that would be?
and that actually has nothing to do with the movie...just the problem of not being able to make new memories.
why the movie is fucked up?
1. he finds a girl he knows won't remember him in the morning....and he goes back.
2. he finds a girl he knows won't remember him in the morning and thinks....i love her. she'll never remember a single thing we've ever done or for that matter....me.....sign me up.
3. he follows her around, learning her routine and uses it against her. other people do that too. they're called stalkers.
4. he uses the info he gains from stalking to try and make her fall in love with him.
5. (spoiler alert) at the end of the movie, they get married, move to a house boat with her family, and they have a kid. here's why the entire ending of the movie is god awful terrible:
a. he convinced her to marry her, which means, since she doesn't remember him everyday that she wakes up, that in one day he figured out a way to make her fall in love with her in under 24 hours and marry her in the same day.
b. eventually, after months and months of her waking up to her new "husband" that she's never met, he somehow convinces her (tricks her) into moving onto a house boat and driving that boat to some obscure ass place.
c. each and every day, she had to wake up, realize she was on a boat in the middle of no where with her family and some stranger (her husband) and had to figure out why.
d. eventually, she got preggers. that's right, every morning she had to wake up, figure out why she was out on a boat with some random dude and her family and why she was getting fatter.
e. eventually, she had to wake up, realizes she was on a boat in the middle of ??? with some random dude and her family, that she 8 months preggers even though yesterday she was on land and not preggers at all, and that the father is the random guy on the boat.
f. AND.....Eventually.......she wakes up, realizes she's on a boat in the middle of ??? with her family and some random guy and some random kid. guess what. not a random kid....YOUR kid. that's right. yesterday, you were 28, single, and on land and today you are 35, have a kid and on a boat in the middle of no where. pretty fucked up.
g. so each and every day, you wake up, realize you are on a boat in the middle of ?? with some random guy, some random kid (yours) and your family and you are expected to love both the random guy and the kid.
the fucked up part of that is that adam sandler's character is completely cool with this. i have to be honest with you, if heather got all bashed in and it made her not remember anything that happened after today, i would say "why oh why! what a horrible thing for everyone!" not "damn....this is my chance to be able to do whatever i want to her and if i get bored, i can just leave and she will literally not have any idea that i existed. in fact, she'll probably die alone with some stranger kid out on a random boat in the middle of no where.
50 first dates. one of the most fucked up movies ever.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
my comic
i would love to update my comic on a regular basis, but godaddy is so shitty, that i can't do that. currently, i am getting "unable to connect to server" errors when i try to upload. by the end of this month, my web server that i have been building will be up and running and i will be KING......no more godaddy fuckups and rules.
until then, if i miss a comic or two here or there, blame godaddy. also, never buy godaddy hosting.
until then, if i miss a comic or two here or there, blame godaddy. also, never buy godaddy hosting.
Monday, January 25, 2010
the great european trip of 09/10
Everyone has waited for a long time (some even patiently) for the pictures from our trip. After about 2 weeks of spending my free time in photoshop and writing code, building web a new web server, not using said server due to tech issues and just general non stop work on the pictures.....they are done and are ready for your enjoyment.
You will have to click on each destination on the map to view the pictures (geography lesson!!).
Chronologically, the trip went as follows (to aide you in your navigation of the map)
London England (United Kingdom on the map)
Paris France
Florence Italy
Sienna Italy
Rome Italy
There are a lot of pictures, so i suggest the following: grab a beer, or 24 and maybe a light snack. sit down in front of the computer and spend time looking through them. i can't stress this enough...there are a lot of pics. about 1200 from this trip. You might also think about doing it in stages like we did. start off one day in London. The next day head to Paris.. and so on.
Now there are some of you that are thinking "1200 pictures? there's no way i can make it through all of those (dad). I'm sure to fall asleep (dad)." and for those of you i say "that's the magic of the internet. you can look at as many or as little as you like.
If you find any errors (broken pictures, photo comments that are obviously not for the picture that is showing, photos of cuban dictators marked CIA) please let me know so i can fix them. Working on photos for 2 solid weeks along with work as turned my brain into a fine mush that i am calling "Dr. Jason's Patented Brainsauce". One spoonful will clear up acne, stop hiccups, and de-gangrene your frozen toes.
So anyway, those are the pics. enjoy or don't. your call.
Quick navigation tips for the photo pages. To the left are the thumbnail pictures. Click on the first one to start. the arrows below the thumbnails control the thumbnails, not the photos themselves. you an navigate through the photos one at a time by holding your mouse over the large photo (an arrow will appear that you can click on) or you can press the right arrow key on the keyboard to move forward.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
planes trains and automobiles
we are back from europe. i will have pictures and stories soon. for now, you'll get to bask in the glow of my awesome morning of chaos and back luck.
8:45am - 65 North - 70mph.
a large, roughly 2ft, chunk of semi exhaust with the coupling piece attached appears in the road in front of me. after a loud thump, some bouncing of the car and terrible shaking and thumping noises as i pull off the road, i get to the following:
i'm not currently putting on that spare you see there because it actually has a nail in it and is flat. i also found that the car does not have a wrench to take the tire off, just the jack.
heather met me and brought me tools and an air pump. flash forward to the tire being on the car and discovering that now the car won't start.
flash forward to the car being in our garage after being towed across town. here is the funness of what the exhaust piece did to our car:
notice right in the center of the picture how the support is caved in and the bolt that holds the rack on is bent to the right
another view of the rack, only you can see to the left the other bolt that holds it on and how it's nice and straight.
the piece came in, hit there on the drivers side, shot across the front into the inside of the passenger side front tire causing the large cut above, smashed into the inside of the wheel well denting that as well and flying out from under the car.
about $200 later and a burned PTO day, the car is back up and running and seems to be just as good as it was before the semi unloaded it's exhaust system upon me.
8:45am - 65 North - 70mph.
a large, roughly 2ft, chunk of semi exhaust with the coupling piece attached appears in the road in front of me. after a loud thump, some bouncing of the car and terrible shaking and thumping noises as i pull off the road, i get to the following:
i'm not currently putting on that spare you see there because it actually has a nail in it and is flat. i also found that the car does not have a wrench to take the tire off, just the jack.
heather met me and brought me tools and an air pump. flash forward to the tire being on the car and discovering that now the car won't start.
flash forward to the car being in our garage after being towed across town. here is the funness of what the exhaust piece did to our car:
notice right in the center of the picture how the support is caved in and the bolt that holds the rack on is bent to the right
another view of the rack, only you can see to the left the other bolt that holds it on and how it's nice and straight.
the piece came in, hit there on the drivers side, shot across the front into the inside of the passenger side front tire causing the large cut above, smashed into the inside of the wheel well denting that as well and flying out from under the car.
about $200 later and a burned PTO day, the car is back up and running and seems to be just as good as it was before the semi unloaded it's exhaust system upon me.
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