so at work it's come down from the mountain (marketing) that i have to put up a popup survey when people come to our corporate site.
every browser i have tried it in blocks it because everyone has a popup blocker now. the company that marketing got the survey though isn't good enough to make the popup editable so i can modify it so the popup blockers don't block it.
this project pains me in every way possible. I disagree with the survey and i VERY much disagree with making it a popup. sadly this is one of the few things i can't really fight. i just have to do it.
seriously though, words can't describe how much i don't want to do this. it makes me feel dirty. it makes me sad to have my name on the website i have built and maintained for the last three and a half years.
the best example i could come up with getting a brand new (insert your favorite car here) corvette and then slapping a 4ft tall dildo right on the hood. just flopping around as you drive. telling everyone as you drive around: "yeah, i've got a corvette. it's awesome. it's fast as shit, and yes....that's a giant rubber dick on my hood.."
if i wasn't at work, there would be a photoshopped example. hitler with cotton candy, yeah, i can do that at work. photoshopping a dildo is a little over the line.
though i guess it won't matter much because this is my last day at work. for you see, right after i put this popup survey on the website, i'm going to climb on the roof of the building, and hurl my pathetic popup adding body on to marketings car.
pray for my soul...here we go....
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Friday, September 3, 2010
oh my captcha, you do go on...
while i was replying to kourtney's comment on my last blog post i received the following captcha message:
The alternate title for this blog post was: STREEEEEEETCHED ANUS!
The alternate title for this blog post was: STREEEEEEETCHED ANUS!
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
I am Jack's complete lack of understanding
this post is full of pictures and anger. it's over a week in the making but that's mostly because i'm so damn busy that i haven't had time to rant. or maybe fate was just holding me until today. why today? i'll get to that.
so many of you know of the problems i have had with my garbage man. if not, feel free to read previous posts. i'm not going to bore the people that know with the details. needless to say, i adapted the way i threw out garbage to ensure i didn't piss off the guy that makes 20k a year picking up the worlds filth. Last tuesday, i went outside with a flash light and garbage bags to consolidate any stray grocery bags full of cat litter or other stinky, stray garbage inside my garbage can. I actually pulled out everything from the outside garbage can and condensed it to 4 easy to lift garbage bags.
You did it Jason. You finally figured out the very specific way the garbage man wants the garbage arranged in the can in order for him to do his fucking job and take the garbage.
drum roll please....
That's what i came home to find after my hard work. figured it out yet? if you guessed the mother fucker threw away my entire garbage can with my garbage. you win!!! your prize: 1 garbage can lid (shown above)
so now i either get to store garbage in my garage during the week while i wait for garbage day, or put it where the can used to be and let the raccoons distribute it throughout my yard.
So I had a week of healing. i've accepted my garbage fate. I have come to the conclusion that i get to spend another $40 of my hard earned money on something my garbage man will very likely throw away because he's pissed off he failed out of Indianapolis University and has to pick up bags of other people's shit for a living.
today i came home to find this:
He was nice enough to put the door in the mailbox for me. i put it on top to take the picture.
It's like Emeril delivered my mail. "Just add a dash of mail..BAM!"
seriously though, the door has been hanging on by 1 hinge for about a year now. but i repaired the hinge and it would take quite the force to pull it off. Now i don't know if you have ever watched a mailman in a truck deliver mail. They really he-man the mailbox doors when they open it. So i am giving the mailman the benefit of the doubt. He's in a hurry and my mailbox sucks.
but wait! look closer at the door. just above my now bent make shift bolt for a handle...tire tracks. he ran it over. I can only hope he gave it a pull, the door finally came all the way off and he said to himself "it's about TIME!. i will not let this cheap son of a bitch reattach this door." then he ran over it.
If i thought he did it on purpose like the garbage man, i would very much reattach this door in the most annoying of fashions. but alas, instead i will invest $23 in a new mailbox and will think of a fun way to display my address on it (regular numbers?.....snoooooooooze)
Now for the happier, but still picture ridden part of my blog post. while loading soap into the dishwasher i discovered something:
We use a lot of freaking spoons. In this case, nothing BUT spoons. That little kid from the Oracle's house would be sad (there is no spoon).
Finally, On saturday, I became an uncle again. His name is Jackson Rodgers, he's adorable (trust me, it takes a lot for me to say that, even about family) and tonight i watched him pee all over his dad.
No, that's not daddy holding him. That's grandpa.
blogcrest Out!
so many of you know of the problems i have had with my garbage man. if not, feel free to read previous posts. i'm not going to bore the people that know with the details. needless to say, i adapted the way i threw out garbage to ensure i didn't piss off the guy that makes 20k a year picking up the worlds filth. Last tuesday, i went outside with a flash light and garbage bags to consolidate any stray grocery bags full of cat litter or other stinky, stray garbage inside my garbage can. I actually pulled out everything from the outside garbage can and condensed it to 4 easy to lift garbage bags.
You did it Jason. You finally figured out the very specific way the garbage man wants the garbage arranged in the can in order for him to do his fucking job and take the garbage.
drum roll please....
That's what i came home to find after my hard work. figured it out yet? if you guessed the mother fucker threw away my entire garbage can with my garbage. you win!!! your prize: 1 garbage can lid (shown above)
so now i either get to store garbage in my garage during the week while i wait for garbage day, or put it where the can used to be and let the raccoons distribute it throughout my yard.
So I had a week of healing. i've accepted my garbage fate. I have come to the conclusion that i get to spend another $40 of my hard earned money on something my garbage man will very likely throw away because he's pissed off he failed out of Indianapolis University and has to pick up bags of other people's shit for a living.
today i came home to find this:
He was nice enough to put the door in the mailbox for me. i put it on top to take the picture.
It's like Emeril delivered my mail. "Just add a dash of mail..BAM!"
seriously though, the door has been hanging on by 1 hinge for about a year now. but i repaired the hinge and it would take quite the force to pull it off. Now i don't know if you have ever watched a mailman in a truck deliver mail. They really he-man the mailbox doors when they open it. So i am giving the mailman the benefit of the doubt. He's in a hurry and my mailbox sucks.
but wait! look closer at the door. just above my now bent make shift bolt for a handle...tire tracks. he ran it over. I can only hope he gave it a pull, the door finally came all the way off and he said to himself "it's about TIME!. i will not let this cheap son of a bitch reattach this door." then he ran over it.
If i thought he did it on purpose like the garbage man, i would very much reattach this door in the most annoying of fashions. but alas, instead i will invest $23 in a new mailbox and will think of a fun way to display my address on it (regular numbers?.....snoooooooooze)
Now for the happier, but still picture ridden part of my blog post. while loading soap into the dishwasher i discovered something:
We use a lot of freaking spoons. In this case, nothing BUT spoons. That little kid from the Oracle's house would be sad (there is no spoon).
Finally, On saturday, I became an uncle again. His name is Jackson Rodgers, he's adorable (trust me, it takes a lot for me to say that, even about family) and tonight i watched him pee all over his dad.
No, that's not daddy holding him. That's grandpa.
blogcrest Out!
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Why cotton candy is destroying America
One day while wandering around the local fair, I stumbled across a small gentleman covered in tattoos and fleas handing out what appeared to be cotton. But this was not cotton. It was in fact a sort of confectionery. The small gentleman, hereby refereed to as the carnie, would take a wooden holding device and place it into a mechanical cotton gin. The "cotton candy" would then spin like a Nebraska twister until a large amount of it was gathered upon the holding stick. Children not twice as big as the confectionery itself would then proceed to consume the cotton as if the antidote was contained inside.
At this point, I decided to observe the effects the confectionery had on the tikes and to my amazement, discovered that it made the children euphoric and unable to control their feeble voice boxes. The amount and length of time the confectionery was contained in their system, the more barbaric these children became. It was at this time that I noticed that full grown adults were also "enjoying" the confectionery with similar results to the children. Any consumable that causes someone to lose control of their ability to reason causing them to devote their time and efforts to gain more of said consumable must not be allowed to flourish in America.
The most frightening aspect of this whole discovery at the local fair was the happiness in the children's faces. Every educated man in America knows that a happy child is an evil child.
At this point, I decided to observe the effects the confectionery had on the tikes and to my amazement, discovered that it made the children euphoric and unable to control their feeble voice boxes. The amount and length of time the confectionery was contained in their system, the more barbaric these children became. It was at this time that I noticed that full grown adults were also "enjoying" the confectionery with similar results to the children. Any consumable that causes someone to lose control of their ability to reason causing them to devote their time and efforts to gain more of said consumable must not be allowed to flourish in America.
The most frightening aspect of this whole discovery at the local fair was the happiness in the children's faces. Every educated man in America knows that a happy child is an evil child.
I have commissioned a local artist to create a depiction of what i believe, nay, what I KNOW will happen to children if allowed to consume unwatched amounts of the cotton made from candy:
*note, i am implementing a new blog system at work and the above article was the test article i wrote. how many of you can say you have a picture of hitler with cotton candy on your work computer?
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Red Bear-on
Bear-on to tower, am i clear for take off?
Bear-on, this is the tower. you are cleared for adorable flight!
Bear-on, this is the tower. you are cleared for adorable flight!
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
it's like we just got back from vacation again!
so i just realized that the gallery i use to display my travel pictures on my website only allows 50 pictures per gallery. what does this mean? that means if you only say our travel pictures via my website....you've only about half of the pictures!!
example: if you were to look at my paris pictures, it will stop when we are in the Orsay gallery. But in reality, that's about 1/3 of the Paris pics. you're missing all of the pics from new years at the Eiffel Tower and the entire next day At Versailles.
so i will quickly research and implement a new, non constricting system (or possibly write my own) and hopefully i can implement one that uses jquery instead of Flash so that people can actually load the gallery via Iphone or Droid.
stay tuned readers...
example: if you were to look at my paris pictures, it will stop when we are in the Orsay gallery. But in reality, that's about 1/3 of the Paris pics. you're missing all of the pics from new years at the Eiffel Tower and the entire next day At Versailles.
so i will quickly research and implement a new, non constricting system (or possibly write my own) and hopefully i can implement one that uses jquery instead of Flash so that people can actually load the gallery via Iphone or Droid.
stay tuned readers...
Friday, July 2, 2010
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