ahhh now that's pooping in comfort

so you know how in bathroom stalls in public places there are sometimes small gaps where the door hinges are or where the stall wall meets the building wall? not a big enough gap to really see inside, but you could definitely tell if someone was in the stall via that gap.

one of the stalls in the building i work in has an unusually large gap. close to 2 inches. it allows anyone walking into the bathroom pretty much a direct line of sight into that stall if one were so inclined to look.

i'll admit, i'm a looker. it's not that i'm going into the bathroom in hopes of getting to see someone in the action. it's more of i walk into the room, it's directly in front of me and if i see movement, my eyes are drawn towards it. this is the spot where i tell you it's ok if you secretly do this too but can't admit it to yourselves. it's the same concept when sitting in a hospital and you see people walking down the hall with those little "never completely close in the back" hospital gowns. you didn't come here specifically to see some old man's ass and by golly, even when you look up from your book or whatever you are using to kill time, you're not saying to yourself..."oh i hope their gown isn't closed." but when it happens, when you look up, see the gown and realize it's open...you look right at their ass. i dare any of you to tell me you look away before inspecting the gown gap for exposed ass.

but i'm off subject.

i don't use that stall with the gap because of this peeping tom effect it has. so imagine my surprise just now on my trip to the bathroom when i walked in and realized that the guy in that stall is 100% naked save for his shoes.

so here is the scenario. you get up, head to the bathroom, hop on into the stall and think, man, pooping sure is great at 3am when i'm stark naked. so you proceed to disrobe, pulling you pants off over your shoes, hang your clothes on the hook on the stall door, and go to town. weird.

there were 6 people in the bathroom at the same time i was in there (more than usual). i can't be the only one to have noticed that the most comfortable pooper in the world works in our building.

it's been almost a month

and i apologize. i've been trying not to just blog about my regular bitchings and the comic has been taking up all the extra internet time i have (because i pretty much refuse to sit on the internet when i get home from work since i spend all damn day on the internet at work).

so tonight i am both blogging and rewriting my comic site. why? well i am rewriting my comic site because i am switching to my own web server instead of paying godaddy money to suck and i'm blogging because i had an idea today and i'm currently waiting for SQL server to install on my new web server.

my idea?

The movie "50 First dates is completely fucked up"

ok. so those not familar with the movie, adam sandler's f character falls in love with drew barrymore's character. drew's character got into an accident and is unable to create new memories. meaning every day she wakes up and thinks it's the day just before her accident.

why the movie is fucked up:
1. she's already going to wake up one day and look in the mirror and see that she's 70 and think that she's 28. can you imagine how terrible that would be?

and that actually has nothing to do with the movie...just the problem of not being able to make new memories.

why the movie is fucked up?

1. he finds a girl he knows won't remember him in the morning....and he goes back.
2. he finds a girl he knows won't remember him in the morning and thinks....i love her. she'll never remember a single thing we've ever done or for that matter....me.....sign me up.
3. he follows her around, learning her routine and uses it against her. other people do that too. they're called stalkers.
4. he uses the info he gains from stalking to try and make her fall in love with him.
5. (spoiler alert) at the end of the movie, they get married, move to a house boat with her family, and they have a kid. here's why the entire ending of the movie is god awful terrible:
a. he convinced her to marry her, which means, since she doesn't remember him everyday that she wakes up, that in one day he figured out a way to make her fall in love with her in under 24 hours and marry her in the same day.
b. eventually, after months and months of her waking up to her new "husband" that she's never met, he somehow convinces her (tricks her) into moving onto a house boat and driving that boat to some obscure ass place.
c. each and every day, she had to wake up, realize she was on a boat in the middle of no where with her family and some stranger (her husband) and had to figure out why.
d. eventually, she got preggers. that's right, every morning she had to wake up, figure out why she was out on a boat with some random dude and her family and why she was getting fatter.
e. eventually, she had to wake up, realizes she was on a boat in the middle of ??? with some random dude and her family, that she 8 months preggers even though yesterday she was on land and not preggers at all, and that the father is the random guy on the boat.
f. AND.....Eventually.......she wakes up, realizes she's on a boat in the middle of ??? with her family and some random guy and some random kid. guess what. not a random kid....YOUR kid. that's right. yesterday, you were 28, single, and on land and today you are 35, have a kid and on a boat in the middle of no where. pretty fucked up.
g. so each and every day, you wake up, realize you are on a boat in the middle of ?? with some random guy, some random kid (yours) and your family and you are expected to love both the random guy and the kid.

the fucked up part of that is that adam sandler's character is completely cool with this. i have to be honest with you, if heather got all bashed in and it made her not remember anything that happened after today, i would say "why oh why! what a horrible thing for everyone!" not "damn....this is my chance to be able to do whatever i want to her and if i get bored, i can just leave and she will literally not have any idea that i existed. in fact, she'll probably die alone with some stranger kid out on a random boat in the middle of no where.

50 first dates. one of the most fucked up movies ever.

my comic

i would love to update my comic on a regular basis, but godaddy is so shitty, that i can't do that. currently, i am getting "unable to connect to server" errors when i try to upload. by the end of this month, my web server that i have been building will be up and running and i will be KING......no more godaddy fuckups and rules.

until then, if i miss a comic or two here or there, blame godaddy. also, never buy godaddy hosting.

the great european trip of 09/10

Everyone has waited for a long time (some even patiently) for the pictures from our trip. After about 2 weeks of spending my free time in photoshop and writing code, building web a new web server, not using said server due to tech issues and just general non stop work on the pictures.....they are done and are ready for your enjoyment.

http://www.jasonbehenna.com/photos.aspx

You will have to click on each destination on the map to view the pictures (geography lesson!!).

Chronologically, the trip went as follows (to aide you in your navigation of the map)

London England (United Kingdom on the map)

Paris France

Florence Italy

Sienna Italy

Rome Italy

There are a lot of pictures, so i suggest the following: grab a beer, or 24 and maybe a light snack. sit down in front of the computer and spend time looking through them. i can't stress this enough...there are a lot of pics. about 1200 from this trip. You might also think about doing it in stages like we did. start off one day in London. The next day head to Paris.. and so on.

Now there are some of you that are thinking "1200 pictures? there's no way i can make it through all of those (dad). I'm sure to fall asleep (dad)." and for those of you i say "that's the magic of the internet. you can look at as many or as little as you like.

If you find any errors (broken pictures, photo comments that are obviously not for the picture that is showing, photos of cuban dictators marked CIA) please let me know so i can fix them. Working on photos for 2 solid weeks along with work as turned my brain into a fine mush that i am calling "Dr. Jason's Patented Brainsauce". One spoonful will clear up acne, stop hiccups, and de-gangrene your frozen toes.

So anyway, those are the pics. enjoy or don't. your call.

Quick navigation tips for the photo pages. To the left are the thumbnail pictures. Click on the first one to start. the arrows below the thumbnails control the thumbnails, not the photos themselves. you an navigate through the photos one at a time by holding your mouse over the large photo (an arrow will appear that you can click on) or you can press the right arrow key on the keyboard to move forward.

planes trains and automobiles

we are back from europe. i will have pictures and stories soon. for now, you'll get to bask in the glow of my awesome morning of chaos and back luck.

8:45am - 65 North - 70mph.
a large, roughly 2ft, chunk of semi exhaust with the coupling piece attached appears in the road in front of me. after a loud thump, some bouncing of the car and terrible shaking and thumping noises as i pull off the road, i get to the following:

i'm not currently putting on that spare you see there because it actually has a nail in it and is flat. i also found that the car does not have a wrench to take the tire off, just the jack.

heather met me and brought me tools and an air pump. flash forward to the tire being on the car and discovering that now the car won't start.

flash forward to the car being in our garage after being towed across town. here is the funness of what the exhaust piece did to our car:


notice right in the center of the picture how the support is caved in and the bolt that holds the rack on is bent to the right

another view of the rack, only you can see to the left the other bolt that holds it on and how it's nice and straight.

the piece came in, hit there on the drivers side, shot across the front into the inside of the passenger side front tire causing the large cut above, smashed into the inside of the wheel well denting that as well and flying out from under the car.

about $200 later and a burned PTO day, the car is back up and running and seems to be just as good as it was before the semi unloaded it's exhaust system upon me.

Jason's Guide to determining if cops should not be trusted.

The first rule of the guide, and it's really the main rule is: are you in indianapolis.

If you answered yes, then you should not trust the cops. you're more likely to get proper help from that guy in the shitty van with cardboard over the back window that looks like he just got done raping corpses.

some of you know, and some of you will read now about my adventures with an indianapolis cop driving home from work a couple of fridays ago. i was driving home the way i normally do. 65 - 70 in traffic, 75 - 80 when no one is around me. when you drive 30 miles to and from work everyday, you tend to speed a little. but keep in mind, i go 65-70 in traffic because that's what traffic is going with a decent amount of cars going in the mid 70s and such. so 80 is fast, but not tear the hair from your body fast.

so i'm driving along and when i get behind cars in the left lane that are going much slower than traffic and refuse to move over (which is about 80% of the asshole cars in indianapolis), i drive behind them for a min to see if they will move and if not, i pass them on the right. so on my drive, i pass two cars on the right and got between 75-80 when there are no cars in front of me. next thing i know, i see cop lights. damn. there goes not having any tickets on my license. so i pull to the side of the road, get out my wallet, and roll down my window. the cop takes a second, then gets out of his car. as he's walking up to my car i hear "PUT YOUR FUCKING HANDS ON THE WHEEL" so i do so. this is when i notice that he is holding his gun on me. the resulting dialog goes as follows (caps is the cop yelling, lowercase is me)

IF YOU MOVE, I WILL FUCKING SHOOT YOU.
HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING TONIGHT
no
I JUST GOT YOU GOING OVER 90 MILES AN HOUR, WEAVING IN AND OUT OF TRAFFIC LIKE A FUCKING MAD MAN.

NOW WITH YOUR RIGHT HAND, HAND ME YOUR LICENSE. IF YOU MAKE ANY OTHER MOVES I WILL FUCKING SHOOT YOU.

PUT YOUR HANDS BACK ON THE WHEEL AND KEEP THEM THERE UNTIL I COME BACK.

i wait in my car for about 3 min until finally he starts to come back to my car. as he's walking back up, he's shining his flashlight on my steering wheel to make sure my hands are still there. he walks back up to my window and, with gun still drawn, points it at me again.

I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW, I'M ON THE FUCKING SWAT TEAM AND I AM ON MY WAY TO SOMEWHERE ELSE. BUT IF I WASN'T, YOU'DE BE GOING TO FUCKING JAIL.
I HAVE WRITTEN DOWN EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS FUCKING CAR. I'LL.......I.......

then he throws my license into my seat an walks back to his car.

after a second, i drive away and he drives away. he proceeds to tear across traffic into the left lane and takes off "like a bat out of hell" if you will. no lights, no siren....just flying through traffic like an actual madman.

now it's not uncommon to see cops speeding like crazy in indy. they have this thing i call the 38th st shuffle which is pretty much every indy cop that passes me on my way to work in the morning is driving around 80mph and always gets off at 38th st.

this morning, i got passed by a cop that was driving with one hand stretched out casually across the passenger seat (i'm assuming similar to how they casually hang out with prostitutes in their cars, but all of the other criminal doing of cops in indy is for a different post). so the cop is driving with one hand, not going to a call, very calmly going 90ish without his lights on. i know this because after he passed me, i got into the left lane and sped up and my going 80 still caused him to pull away from me. while i was behind him, he was tailgating the shit out of people until they moved, he passed several cars on the right, and at one time, cut across 2 lanes to the right, passed some cars and a semi, then whipped back into the left lane. this is WAY worse than i was driving when a cop held his gun on me and threatened to shoot me.

so cops can drive in a way that according to a certain cop, is a crime so bad they are to be held at gunpoint and not get in trouble at all. i want to become a state cop just so i can pull over the local indy cops and make them sob in their cars by holding my gun on them and threaten to take away their right to rape prostitutes and drive while drunk.

moral of the story....i want my tax dollars back.

i found a new way to conserve electricity

this is a letter to the car with no lights on during my drive home. driving with only your parking lights on when it's dark outside doesn't really get the job done. especially when you are in a black car. it might work if you were in a neon green car.

to answer your question that i just made up during this imaginary debate we're having, yes, i do see that all of the other cars lights are sufficiently lighting the road. but here's the thing, head lights in this scenario are really more for the other motorists. without them, they can't see you.

and i know, because your bumper sticker told me so, that your guardian angel is your co-pilot, but unless they're holding a flashlight, we're liable to run both you and your angel down because we can't see you.

god willing, you'll get crushed by a semi.