Monday, December 29, 2008

rockin around the murder tree

dear employee from neighboring company cube,

please buy headphones so i don't have to listen to christmas carols blaring from your crappy monotone internal speaker on december 29th.

i think anyone listening to xmas songs after xmas should be lit on fire.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

a night of firsts

we have a plastic wreath hanging on our front door. it's plastic, but it looks fairly real. like an artificial xmas tree. but's plastic. So the last few times i have opened the front door (which we rarely do) i have seen a bird fly from the wreath to the tree in the front yard. The little bird has decided to make a home in our wreath.

last night i opened the front door to take the garbage out. about the time i got 5 or so feet from the door, i heard the neighbor kids screaming and such from their house. i thought nothing of it because there are like 100 of them and they are always making noise. by the time i got back into my house, i realized that it was heather that screamed and it was because our little bird friend was racing all over our house.

and what do birds do when they're freaked the fuck out? poop and molt. poop and feathers everywhere. so after about 5 min of closing off rooms, i trapped him in the office and got him into a bag. he is now back outside, probably sleeping in our wreath again. we are still vaccuming little feathers up everywhere.

Shortly after that, our cat tumbleweed came wobbling into the living room. this is when we discovered that he was poo butt (translation: he had poop stuck to his butt).
this was no ordinary poo butt though. this poo butt wasn't just stuck to his fur, it was dragging behind him leaving little poo trails. there were also poo prints in the office from where he stepped on the dragging poo.

The fun part is, this was about 5 min after the bird. the other fun fact was that this was set into motion the day before when he ate a big piece of string he tore from a pillow. so not only did i get to clean up poo trails and paw prints, i also got to pull a length of poo covered string from my cats butt.

one can only hope that tonight will be just as exciting. that all depends on if Jon has eaten any string recently....