Monday, November 15, 2010

values: pass it on

you've all seen the billboards. the motivational billboards on the highway. sometimes you see one while you're working through a traffic jam and you think, thanks billboard, for making me feel like i'm useless before i even get to work. then sometimes you see one and you think "wow, what a terrible role model. [insert person] treated the world like garbage and people adore them for it. my life is even more meaningless"  or "wow, [insert person] became a role model by being very stupid....."

here are several examples:
Babe Ruth: babe ruth was a womanizing drunk that was good at hitting things. he should not be a role model.
hey kids, if you drink a lot and treat women like shit, you'll be a millionaire and everyone will love you.

Shrek: he's a cartoon. he befriends a donkey and travels to break up a wedding. he lives in a swamp.

Thomas Edison: the man employed goons and stole many of his ideas. he treated people like they were retarded. he killed an elephant on purpose because someone (tesla) invented something better than his invention. many of his inventions happened on accident and many of the others were just stolen.

Bethany Hamilton: (who?....exactly). she's the girl that got her arm eaten by a shark and was too stupid to stop surfing. we're supposed to see this as motivational because she was too brave to quit. i agree with a certain level of "you've got to get back on the horse" but there comes a point (losing an entire arm) when basic survival instinct should kick in an tell you to do something else for a while. speaking of "get back on the horse"..

Christopher Reeve: let's be honest, the man did what anyone in his situation would have done. he fell off a horse, became paralyzed, then spent the rest of his life trying to find a cure for not being able to move or breathe on his own. sure, there are people out there that would spend the rest of their life doing nothing except wishing they weren't crippled, but does having enough money to be able to buy fetuses for testing make you a role model?

and finally Abe Lincoln: i'm not saying that Honest Abe isn't a role model. what i'm saying is, the billboard is about persistence. "failed, failed, failed, and then...."  i completely read the billboard as "and shot in the brain." kids, if you try and fail, keep trying. eventually you will impose your will and someone that disagrees will launch lead through your temporal lobe.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Two of every font

It's 3:30 am, i'm looking for fonts for the Indy Give Camp project I am working on and I stumbled across what might be the coolest font ever......

Why is this font so fucking awesome? because you can type and an arc appears? no. because you can type and noah appears? no. it's so fucking awesome because it includes not one, not two, but 3 different types of rain. perfect for typing out a civilization killing flood. but don't fret, when you get tired of doing god's work, just type a sun and a rainbow and low and behold, jesus is lord.

side note: part of me wants to buy a mini van just so i can get that entire lineup turned into those little family stickers people put on their shitty child haulers. who's my family? Noah, some friends, a bunch of bad ass animals, and the fucking biblical rains!