Thursday, August 5, 2010

Why cotton candy is destroying America

One day while wandering around the local fair, I stumbled across a small gentleman covered in tattoos and fleas handing out what appeared to be cotton. But this was not cotton. It was in fact a sort of confectionery. The small gentleman, hereby refereed to as the carnie, would take a wooden holding device and place it into a mechanical cotton gin. The "cotton candy" would then spin like a Nebraska twister until a large amount of it was gathered upon the holding stick. Children not twice as big as the confectionery itself would then proceed to consume the cotton as if the antidote was contained inside.

At this point, I decided to observe the effects the confectionery had on the tikes and to my amazement, discovered that it made the children euphoric and unable to control their feeble voice boxes. The amount and length of time the confectionery was contained in their system, the more barbaric these children became. It was at this time that I noticed that full grown adults were also "enjoying" the confectionery with similar results to the children. Any consumable that causes someone to lose control of their ability to reason causing them to devote their time and efforts to gain more of said consumable must not be allowed to flourish in America.

The most frightening aspect of this whole discovery at the local fair was the happiness in the children's faces. Every educated man in America knows that a happy child is an evil child.

I have commissioned a local artist to create a depiction of what i believe, nay, what I KNOW will happen to children if allowed to consume unwatched amounts of the cotton made from candy:

*note, i am implementing a new blog system at work and the above article was the test article i wrote. how many of you can say you have a picture of hitler with cotton candy on your work computer?