Friday, October 22, 2010

How Netflix makes me a better person

so there is a running joke at work. when i'm all pissed off and doing nothing but complaining (which is 95% of the time) my co-workers say "jason, tell me about netflix". They say this because apparently the only thing i have ever told them that wasn't a form of bitching and moaning was when i was talking about netflix. for them, netflix is the only thing that makes me happy. is this true? no. heather makes me happy. cars (that i don't own or have to fix or drive behind) make me happy. Is netflix better than those other things? no. but it's close. Netflix gives me hope for the world. netflix takes me from "burn the whole fucking thing down!" to "so it goes (vonnegut, one of 3 authors that can write books i'll actually read).

netflix will send out surveys to my email. i hate surveys. i hate implementing them, i hate taking them, i hate telling them to fuck off. I make it a point to participate in every single fucking survey netflix has ever sent me. we're going on 4 years now and i haven't skipped a single one. they have questions such as "when did weekend at bernies 9 arrive?" or "How was the watch instantly quality of short circuit 2". Yeah, i watch shit movies. that's the other great thing. Netflix doesn't judge me like you are...right now...i can feel it.

sometimes they fuck up. they had intended on sending me a movie, but their warehouse fucked up and didn't send it. Company A would say, "fuck'em. $13 a month. bitches can wait for their season 3 of Small Wonder dvd". How does netflix handle it? "We're sorry we screwed the pooch big time. not only are we sending you Small Wonder S3D2, but we're also including your next disc, "Mr. Belvedere S1D1"

Netflix, you've saved me from missing my mid 80s to mid 90s feel good comedies. And for that, i thank you. I might even sacrifice a puppy for you.

but wait! there's more!!

they ask me how quickly movies got to me, they ask me how good the quality was when i watch it online, the send me my next disc when they fuck up and send me a disc from my queue later than expected (usually about 24 whole hours late)....and tonight, i got the ultimate "Netflix Karma" email. and it goes as so:

"We're sorry you may have had trouble watching instantly. Yesterday, you may have had trouble instantly watching TV episodes or movies due to technical issues. We are sorry for the inconvenience this may have caused. If you attempted and were unable to instantly watch TV episodes or movies yesterday, click on this account specific link in the next 7 days to apply a 2% credit to your account."

blah blah more apology.

I want to start this segment of the blog post with the fact that i had no issues watching netflix watch instantly on the day in question. yet even though they have no way of knowing if i was even remotely inconvenienced, which most companies would say "stick a lead pipe up your ass", netflix apologized and gave me an honor system discount. the key words in the email are "If you attempted and were unable to". I attempted and WAS able to. so technically i don't qualify for the 2% discount. and i'll be honest, my reaction to the email was "awww man, i was able to watch instantly just fine"

so now the question is, who is too nice, netflix for offering a 2% discount to everyone regardless of an actual issue with their service, or me, the guy who honestly, full on questioned if he should click the link to get a 2% discount he doesn't deserve.

the answer is netflix. they're a big company creeping up on monopoly status. i'm a guy who makes not enough money a year. i'll take your 2% discount.....but i feel awful. honestly.

****edit- their company PTO (personal time off) policy is "do you need the time off? take it" meaning, they have no set amount of time off. their employees are on the PTO honor system. want a vacation? take it. sick? take a day off. we're cool with it so long as you're honest. amazing. world. you have a LOT to learn. sadly, i'm sure their employees are special as 95% of the world would fuck that system into an anally stretched, herpes ridden system that fails miserably because people are inherently dirt bags.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

it's about video games

i finished 9-7. it's the first time i've ever played madden and haven't made the post season. i usually play the superbowl and this season i didn't make the post season. man i hate my team and my realistic sliders....