Friday, March 27, 2009

I knew you'd escape. They haven't built a circuit that could hold you!

is it a game? or real life?

Thursday, March 26, 2009

jason behenna....This is your life!!

i have this hanging in my cube along with other things that keep me sane.

it's everyday of my life. today is defiantly no exception.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

how to tell the economy is bad: phase 1

i just saw a commercial for natty light (natural light beer for those that don't know).

why is this a barometer for the economy being in the drink? because college kids drink natty light like it's the antidote. when they have to start advertising for it, it means even college kids aren't drinking it. what are they drinking instead you say? i would say the water coming from gutters and or compost heaps. here for known as leaf beer.

mmm. leaf beer.

buy low sell high

people shouting all around you. hands flying in the air. the smell of chaos heavy in the room. everyone trying to be heard, trying to get their way, and trying to be at the top of the list. they want their request honored in their way, and they want it now.

this is me at work.

this would be fine if i was a stock broker. turns out i'm just a web designer.

looking at my inbox filled with little red flags. each little red flag is a cry for attention. please! pick me! i promise i'm not contradicting one of the other little flags. but even if that were true little flag, you're still crying for my attention.
this is what my inbox looks like to me.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

why are there little post it notes everywhere!?

the answer is, because i'm a least me from 2 years ago is.

i am currently converting our existing site at work over to the new format i developed. every once in a while, i come across a little text file that has no reason to be there. every time i open it, i want to go back 2 years and hug myself.

every time i ran into an issue when i was taking over the site, i wrote myself a note so i wouldn't have to deal with it again.

i apparently also insult future me at times in my notes for various reasons. man, past me is kind of a dick. i hope present me isn't that big of a dick to future me.

i wish it worked the other way as well.
Dear past me,
sell all of your AIG stock right now and don't eat that string cheese you found under your desk covered in dust.
yours truly,
present me...or is it future me...

Saturday, March 14, 2009

happy st. macgyver's day

come on. the man needs to be a saint.

St. MacGyver's day events:

8:35am - eat cereal
9:30 - head to jon's for day of fun in the sun (aka, tearing up old wood flooring)
6 pm - done tearing up flooring. flashbacks of pulling nails out of subflooring dancing through my head.
6:30 - get home, find a birthday card for the person that used to live in the house in the mail. tired of getting all of her mail. (examples: bills, magazine subs, supeonas, letters from her kids school, insurance renewals, letter from the army telling her her discharge came through, ads, personal letters..and so on). most of the important shit we put return to sender on and send back. the thing is, apparently no one knows where she lives now since she appears to be dodging crediters (i would like to thank her for spending all of her money upgrading the kitchen and not paying her mortgage bills). so sending the letters back seems futile. today i decided that she owed me for being her person al mail sorter. i was hoping like hell that there was cash in her bday card. there was not. just a happy birthday. good to see your friends and family know your new address.

6:45 - showered off the 90 years of dirt i was covered in from flooring. 3rd best shower ever.

7:00 - laid down on the couch. felt pain in every ouce of my body. my fingernails hurt. why?

8:30 - finally decided to move to warm up food.

9:00 - laid back down on the couch......and here i am. too tired to move, but not sleepy enough to go to bed.

things i've learned while laying here all night: dvd players only hold one movie...and when it's're screwed unless you change it yourself. technology failure. tv on saturdays is also terrible. i can choose between crap, crap, hd crap, and crap.

i will end this very boring blog with another quick letter to science: my house still isn't cleaning itself. i am going to stop sending you checks unless i start to see results.

Friday, March 13, 2009

a weekend alone

.and i don't like it

this is the first weekend i've had alone since october. it's actually the longest i've been alone since heather moved in in october. now there are advantages. i can play all the madden i want and no one will complain. i can eat like shit, and no one will complain. i can watch mission impossible 3 on tnt and no one wil......wait.....if i was going to watch this movie, it sure as hell wouldn't be with commercials.

bottom line is, though i can do whatever i want, i'm bored without her. sad huh? you try going 2 years with having to watch her drive away from you. then 6 months after you see each other every single day and you have to watch her drive away,......suck.

i know. i could have gone with her this weekend. but really? i would have only seen her for a short amount of time because she has events to attend and i wold be left bored. this was the better decision. doesn't mean it doesn't suck a little.

side note: i racked (siphoned) my ipa from the primary fermenter to the secondary fermenter tonight. tomorrow, i help jon pull and level his floors. sunday....i clean.

side side note: tonight on my way home from work, i was behind a car that had a school sticker in it's back window. the school was Rose Hulman. why do you care? because most of the time the sticker would just be a rose hulman sticker or a rose hulman alumni sticker.....oh no my friends. this sticker had Rose Hulman on top, and underneath: Former Student. as hard as i tried, i could not find the sticker online. just imagine the rose hulman logo, but instead of alumni, it said former student. maybe i'm reading this completely wrong. maybe the guy is really excited that he was once accepted to rose hulman. but really, when i took a year off of purdue, Purdue University: Former student was not the sticker i was looking for. it's like saying: hey, i was once good enough to get into this school, but i couldn't graduate."

i guess it makes sense that the sticker was on an 87 volkswagon jetta.

Monday, March 9, 2009

I have terrific children!!

people that have children feel the need to flaunt how successful their children are. as if having good children ensures their place in the parenting hall of fame.

most parents tend to advertise their parenting skills using the sticker on the bumper of their car medium. Everyone knows the tried and true: "my kid is an honor student at douchebag elementary", or "proud parent of a douchbag middle school honor student", or even the angry proud parent "my child beat up your honor student". the last one of course telling the world that though i may not be as good of a parent as you, i do carry a collapsible baton.

Today on my drive to work, i was behind the ugliest car since the pontiac aztec, the mazda 5 and their bumper sticker said "I have terrific children!!" the bumper sticker was also bright orange.

I have decided to go into the quality children advertising business. I will create bumper stickers that parents will be required to apply to their cars. the stickers will follow the homeland security advisory system.

parents with good students will receive green bumper stickers. they will have a range of phrases such as "you kid ain't got shit on my kid" or "my child is so good, i vomit out of pride everyday"

blue stickers will be issued with phrases such as "proud parent of a future manager of the men's warehouse" or "my child is above average!"

yellow stickers will include phrases such as "my child is blah" or "my child can read AND write"

orange sticker will include phrases such as "my child will likely stab your child" or "proud parent of a future denny's server"

and red stickers will include phrases such as "proud parent of a serial killer" or "if you can read this, then my child has probably stolen my car, taken it across the border and is doing lines off the stomach of a homeless hooker"

i have also found a vaccination to the daylight savings time change. the time always changes on sunday. so on saturday, get crazy drunk. then on sunday you will be really hung over all day and spend 90% of your day sleeping. by the time monday rolls around, you have no idea what time it is and therefore are unaffected by the time change.

*side effects may include headache, sour stomach, spinning room, lowered ability to handle light and noise, loss of appetite, inability to get remote when tv starts to suck.

** some side effects, though rare also include anal leakage, delusions of grandeur, growth of a tail, and elephantitus.

*** do not take Massive Hangover with out first consulting your local grocer for cans of cream of potato soup.