breaking news: north side man goes to the barber, gets hair cut

ahh indianapolis news. it's like news, only news that's old.

last month, there were a bunch of people waiting in line for the pork flu vaccine that may or may not cause elephantiasis of the balls or some other horrible side effects. yesterday, indy got another round and it was such big news again, that there were news helicopters covering it. it costs hundreds of dollars to run helicopters for a short amount of time and they used them to cover a story that they covered exactly the same way less than a month ago? did i mention that all the helicopter taped was people standing in line at the mall waiting to get a shot.

this is news chopper 8, high in the sky above the lafayette square mall where literally hundreds of people have turned out to get a flu shot. as you can see below, people are waiting in a nice orderly fashion lined up outside the mall. we will stick with this story as it develops.....whoa! did you see that? that lady just dropped her scarf. she can't be happy with that *turn the chooper around joe, we need a better angle on the scarf lady* as she dusts off her scarf, i can't imagine what is going through her head. did i just get the pork flu because of this? am i too late? what will happen to my children after i die, which she most certainly will. *joe...pan to the left* unbelievable turn of events here folks. there is actually an old lady hand out cough drops. perhaps the thought of the impending vaccine has caused these people to become lax. all i know is that grandma death down there is going to have alot of repenting to do on her death bed, which will surely be soon thanks to the pork flu, for all the people she is murdering here today with her cough drops of death. we will cut back to the mall whenever stories develop. now back to pablo in the studio.

thanks chopper 8. regular tap water is killing people at an alarming rate. you and your family are in great danger right now. find out why right after this...



does anyone else think it's funny that you're probably more likely to get the pork flu standing in a huddled mass out in the cold waiting for a vaccine than you would be if you just went about your normal life and washed your hands on a regular basis.