Discoveries

It's been awhile since I've been here. I apologize. I come to you with some discoveries.

The first discovery is Andre the giant's mummified testicles. Now I don't have a certificate of authentication or a picture of me extracting them from his grave to prove to you that's what they are, but I ask of you: "what else could it be?"


It came in what was supposed to be a box of aunt millies english muffins. Which raises some questions such as: "why are aunt millies bakers grave robbing scrotums?" and "After all that hard work, why aren't they keeping them?"

Second, in one of the fanciest casinos i was at in vegas this weekend, I came across this sign outside the mens bathroom:


Shoe shine = nice
men's restroom = nice
Naming a wing of the men's restroom the Deuce Lounge = AWESOME.

donde esta el deuce lounge?

Failed Halloween Costumes

I've come up with some halloween costumes for my nephew that i think will be immediately dismissed as possible costumes. I have taken the time to provide you, my fair readers, with visual examples.

  Jackson of the corn

  Jackson as Roger Penske

    Samuel L Jackson

there is such as thing as a dumb question

today at work, i went into a meeting. I was not at my desk. One of my co-workers walked past my desk to see this:

 

Now this picture is exactly what my desk looked like when he came to see me, except my laptop (right in front of my  black keyboard) was not there. it was with me in my meeting.

The co-worker sent me an IM that said: "Did you move desks?"

......ok. So he saw all of my shit at my desk, including a tea pot and a glass of water and my hoodie and all kinds of other shit and thought that i had packed up and moved to another cube. I was so dumbfounded that it took me a full 15 seconds to conjure up a response. it was "no...i'm in a meeting"

i'm pretty sure if i put a towel over this guy's head, he would think he was invisible.

It's been a while

August and september were very busy months for me. But i'm back. i'll blog when i have shit to blog about.

For now, you can enjoy the newest member of my honey bea army:  Hipster Honeybear

Left to right: Senor Honeybear, Bedouin Honeybear, Hipster Honeybear.

and as always, Iowa Hawkeyes legendary QB Chuck Long hanging out in the background.

Rainpocalypse

It rained in Indy today which means the entire city collapsed into chaos.

Trees down, power lines down, accidents everywhere, general slowness in driving.

The city literally comes to a screeching stop when the slightest rain or snow happens. It boggles my mind.

After surviving rainpocalypse, I cam home to see an envelope laying on the ground next to the mailbox. I finally realized it was most likely originally wedged between the flag and mail box since it said "do not bend on it". Because of this, it was of course, soaked to the bone.

But wait.... usually only important things say do not bend.......shit.

Yes, not sure if laughing or crying is needed for such a bad luck situation, but that would be Colin's diploma laying soaking on the ground. You know, his doctorate of Law that cost him $200k.....
The first day it rains in Indy in about 20 years and it's also the day something 'do not bend' shows up in the mail.

Introductions all around

So I figure I should follow up my slow death of a car post with the victorious welcoming of a new car and a new brother to the family.

The new car has arrived and is awesome:

I don't usually name cars, and I don't plan on calling this car by name, but if I were to name it, it would be Stalin.

ALL HAIL STALIN!
Why? it's red and it's the people's car. I know it's german, but Stalin conquered the germans.

But wait Jason, a new brother? did you get a polish refugee with your new car?

No. Some of you may or may not know of my little friend, Senior
Honeybear. He's a sombrero wearing, pipe smoking, chainsaw wielding honey bear and today his long lost brother has come back from Turkey to see us. I introduce to you, Bedouin Honeybear.

Why YES! that IS Iowa Hawkeyes legendary quarterback Chuck Long making an appearance in the background. How nice of you to notice!

The slow death of a car: Part 2

AKA: we need a home for some kitties.

SO last night i tried to plug up the small hole that made it through the 2 layers of JBWeld and hose clamps that's holding my little $2 hose that I can't replace together.

I have found in the past that changing the pressures in the radiator system seems to fuck with the engine. When i say fuck with the engine, i mean, the more water i get in the car, the more likely the check engine light will come on. whatever. if the car runs fine, the light can come on. the odd part is, there seems to be a sweet spot of coolant in my engine. if there is not enough, the car overheats and i get fucked. If there if mostly enough, the car runs mostly hot, and leaks about 1/3 a gallon of water per 15 mile drive. when i completely fill the coolant system, it seems to add extra pressure or whatever to the system that sometimes makes the check engine light come on and for the following to be what follows my car....

so on a completely different note, we are currently hosting a foster cat. You....yes you reading this. you know you want a cat. there are pics on facebook. this blog is the only place...the exclusive place to see little "squeaks" as we've been calling her, in her true form......Zool!

and finally...we have a stray hanging around outside. he's adorable. he's not neutered, but i'm willing to neuter him of that's what it takes for your to take him. he's beautiful, lovable, and just a little horny (the chopping of the balls will fix that.) so if you are in the market for a male or female cat, please let us know. we have one of each and really....we don't have the room for them. also, if you want a car that playfully spills water when it's full, bring $4000 to me and i'll hook you up.