the first rule of playing it cool, only smile at her face

so i'm sure most of you heard about the 3 guys that escaped from michigan city prison a couple of weeks ago.

this is a quick rant about how these are the dumbest criminals ever.

they were obviously smart enough to escape from prison, and to do so in a way that days after their escape, it was still unsure exactly how the hell they got out. but apparently, their super powers and brains only work in prison.

the first guy that was caught was caught the next morning after hanging out in the driveway of the beach house of Chicago's mayor. his plan of escape: to find a nice upscale neighborhood with really jumpy people and probably some sort of old lady neighborhood watch, find the most high profile house there, then loiter in the driveway in what i can only assume would still be his prison clothes. really anything short of nice dress pants and a a polo shirt will get you noticed.

sadly, he's not the dumbest of the three.

the second was caught sleeping on his moms couch.....i almost have nothing to say about this. going to your parents house after an escape is almost as genius as saying "the last place they'll think of to look for me is back in my prison cell...mwhahahaah."
this guys needs to watch more movies about this subject. they always have places you are familiar with under a watchful eye.
study materials for this guy: the movie u.s. marshals, the shawshank redemption. items not to study: the cat came back.

the final guy lasted the longest. he did something that kept him under the radar for 11 days. what was that you ask? yes. he went back to the scene of the crime. essentially. he murdered a guy on the NW side of indy a few years ago. they caught him in a hotel on the NW side of indy.

why did none of these guys leave the country? or shit, even indiana. ok. so if you're an escaped fugitive, you probably have no id, and no passport. it would be hard to catch a flight or cross borders. but it's a slow process. you can try to get a fake id and fly away. or you can sneak into canada or mexico. the texas redneck civilian border patrol is only looking to "keep them damn mexicans out". i'm sure they wouldn't blink an eye at a white, redneck looking guy crossing the river INTO mexio. from there, you head south. don't speak Spanish or Portuguese? that's fine. sneak into canada, head to alaska, and take the palin bridge to nowhere over to russia.