twist top vs pry top

this is a blog about beer because i am drinking beer and just had an epiphany.

it's pretty understood in the beer drinking crowd that pry off caps usually belong to the more expensive / pretentious beers. i completely agree and love that fact. shitty beer requires you to drink as much of it as you can as fast as you can to get drunk as fast as you can. good beer is consumed slowly, is tasted, and drunk is a very happy side effect.

miller lite goes so far as to rifle the necks of their bottles to blast the shitty triple hopped (saying something is triple hopped only matters if you can actually taste the hops......) beer into your tasteless mouth. you know what else rifles stuff into your mouth?........that's right....dick. people do it, but most people would rather not. i can't say the same for miller lite.

next time you are buying beer, check out the cap. does it have ridges for the screw top? yes? well then waste your money if you want to drink 17 beers to get drunk and fuck some chick that's "like totally excited to be out with her girls". but if you actually want to get drunk faster, drink beer that has a pry top because it is most likely something delicious and higher in alcohol than miller lite or equivalent. so you'll get drunk faster, it will taste better, and the girl you choose will probably be into more sophisticated stuff than labradoodles. she probably won't sleep with you because she's better than that, but hey, at least the beer was good.