hey homer, way to get marge pregnant

if you've ever received a card from me, there's a good chance it either has nothing to do with the actual event the card is for, or it's just inappropriate in some other way.

this is because of two factors:
1. i hate shopping for cards so i tend to just grab a random card and call it a day.
2. i hate sappy cards even for sappy situations.

example: last night heather and i had to buy a card for a baby shower. i quickly found i was very disappointed in their funny cards for people having a baby. needless to say, they had two cards that were considered funny and they would only be funny to you if you were home schooled and had no friends.

my idea was to make my own card company in which i create funny / inappropriate cards for situations that don't normally call for it. by inappropriate, i don't technically mean gross or something. for my friends graduation, i got him a little pink fuzzy kitty card that said "someone thinks you're special" and on the inside it said "it's me!". inappropriate as in, not related to that subject at all. in fact, i think for my brothers college graduation, i found a thank you card that said "thanks for not using all of the toilet paper". Not sure why there was a card like that, but it worked for my needs.

so since i've discovered this niche, i feel it is my duty to fill the world with cards it didn't think it needed.

Card 1: Congratulations - Baby
the front of the card has all kinds of images from all around the world. the cliffs of moher, the Eiffel tower, the great wall of china...and so on. then on the inside it says: "congratulations on your baby. i hope you enjoyed the cover of this card because those are all places you'll never get to go now.

card 2: Congratulations - Baby
the outside cover is just a picture or drawing of a baby. the inside says: here's to hoping your baby isn't a mongoloid.

card 3: Congratulations - Baby
the outside says: "i hear your being blessed with a baby!" then the inside is a free, fold out for sale sign and says: "you can use this for sale sign to sell your sports car you worked so hard to get"

card 4: Congratulations - Baby
on the outside it just says congratulations. on the inside ( this is a scented card), it smells of baby poop and it just says "get used to this smell"

card 5: Congratulations - Baby
outside: "babies are truly a blessing from god. babies bring endless happiness."
inside: a sheet of sandpaper and a small hammer and the text reads: "babies also bring destruction. use this card to pre-destroy all of your shit.

card 6: Congratulations - Baby
this is one of those audio cards.
outside: it shows a mom and a dad relaxing together, having a bit of wine.
inside: as soon as you open the card, it makes a loud crashing noise followed by crying. the text reads: "babies: ruining romantic evenings since that fateful night when the condom broke"

and so on and so on.

this idea can be applied to just about any subject.

outside: sorry to her that your grandpa died
inside: happy to hear about the classic mustang you just inherited.

outside: a card is the perfect way to say...
inside: that i gave you herpes...
back: and the clap

outside: sorry to hear about your accident. arms don't grow back, but it could be worse...
inside: at least you can't be turned into a midget by accident.

outside: i'm sorry to hear your hair dresser fuck up your head.
inside: at least that shit grows back, you're stuck with that Chinese symbol tattoo forever.